Some people might assume this blog is about my love for the global phenomenon that is Queen. Whilst I do love the band and think that Brian May is the greatest guitarist alive, it’s actually a reference to carrying on with life.

After attending my friends funeral and our first memorial service with my forget me not group last week, I felt emotionally drained on Sunday. But come 7am Monday morning I had to be back at work and ready for another week. It’s expected that when you experience a bereavement you need time to grieve, but no-one can tell you how long that will take. Everyone experiences grief differently and everyone deals with it differently. The pain of losing a baby, I cannot explain that to someone who hasn’t experienced it. The loss of anyone we love is hard, but when it is a baby or child, there is something else that happens to us. There is no miracle cure for grief, you don’t just wake up one day and you’re suddenly better. It takes time to learn how to carry on. I am in no way over my grief, but because I have a job to do, I have a house to run and I have a toddler to parent, I have to find a way of carrying on with my life.

Life is never easy. There will always be something that will throw you off and mess you up. Being able to carry on with the important things, despite the curve balls we may be thrown, is the sign that you are doing ok. I know that it will take me a long time to be able to fully cope with life, without breaking down at certain points. Somehow, we find the strength to get through these things.

It’s all well and good putting on that show for others, the one where you go, yeah I’m fine. Sometimes though, when someone asks you, how are you, it’s ok to say, actually I’m not ok. It’s ok to need to talk to someone. It’s ok to need to vent or complain or moan. The people who matter the most will be the ones who listen to you and the ones who will stick around, no matter what.

I am notoriously bad at asking for help when I need it, partially because I’m a Taurus! I like being independent and being able to do things for myself. As I have gotten older and been through various difficult experiences, I’ve come to realise that sometimes I do need help. Thankfully, when I really needed help after losing Theo, I was able to get the right sort of help. There is no point in asking the wrong people for help, the ones who just tell you what you want to hear. The ones who tell you the truth are often the ones who will actually help you more. But equally, there are certain ways of saying this and of being tactful and thoughtful of others feelings, rather than callous and hurtful.

I guess what I’m trying to communicate in this blog is, yes life does need to carry on, but not at the detriment of your own health or well-being. If you need help, ask for it. If you are on the receiving end of nasty, hurtful or unhelpful comments, that person(s) is not worth your time and energy and you may be better off without them. Like I said at the beginning, the show must go on, sometimes that means you have to replace key actors to make it work better.