As the parent of a 2 and a half year old this is a word I hear multiple times in an hour, goodness knows how many times a day. Sometimes I have a proper answer for her, but sometimes I do fall back on the “Just because” answer. Generally when she’s repeatedly asked me the same “Why” for the last half hour. There are occasions when the why is actually very important and she makes me have to think about the answer. These whys are the ones that make me realise how grown up she is becoming. Her asking why is part of her development, so she can learn.

As we get older the whys that we ask often become a lot more complex and relate to life changing moments. I have been asking myself, why me, a lot over the last few months. Why have these horrible experiences happened to me? Why did my baby have to be taken from me? I have learned from these moments, much like Maya learns when she asks why. The lessons have been very different obviously, but none the less, we have both been learning from our experiences.

In life we all have our why moments. Some are the simple why me moments, like the time last week when I had several accidents in one day; cat mess to deal with first thing in the morning, spilled protein shake down my work top, dropped cash when counting the money and then a bump to the head!

Other days I have the why am I still doing this moments. The moments when I’m doing something just because I have to, not because I want to. I think a lot of people probably experience these sort of why moments. When you have that why moment and it’s about work, think about your answer. Why are you doing this job? Is it because you want to or because you have to? If the answer is because I have to, then maybe it’s time for a change.

When you can ask “Why am I doing this” and the answer is, “Because I love it”, that’s when you know that you’re in the right job. Some people have asked me why am I taking this change in career path now. Because it’s what I need to do for me, for Carl and for Maya. Also because I really love doing admin work, which may seem strange to some people but that’s what I’m good at. When you’re good at something and you can make that something into a career, then the question you should be asking is “Why not?”

If you have that why not job already, but still have those why am I doing these boring admin job moments, then I can change those whys. Why not get in Contact with me and let me get rid of those why me moments for you.

Life can throw a lot of curve balls at you.  Some can be huge life changing moments which you have absolutely no control over. In my 34 years I have had a few curve balls thrown at me, a lot of them in the last 6 years.  Some of these moments have been very intense and have changed my outlook on life.  I have already shared a couple of these moments with you. This blog is about another life hurdle that happened after I got married.

My wedding day was one of the most magical days of my life.  Our mini moon to New York 2 days after the wedding was a great experience. Our honeymoon to Mexico the following May was an amazing trip.  When we came back from our honeymoon, we decided to start trying for a baby. Little did we know, this would take a tough turn.  After over a year of trying, we decided to go to the doctor.  The doctor arranged some tests for us at the hospital and after a couple of months we got the results.  Basically, the chances of us conceiving a child naturally was about 2%.

More testing and several scans later, we were referred to St Barts Hospital in London for IVF treatment.  Against all odds, my first round of treatment in September 2013 worked and St Barts confirmed a viable pregnancy using an early scan.  However, several weeks down the line, when we went for our 12 week scan at Basildon Hospital, there was no detectable heartbeat.  The baby had stopped growing at around 8 weeks according to their measurements.  I have written about baby loss in another one of my blogs so I won’t go on again.  After 6 months of allowing my body to heal, we were allowed to start treatment again.  I went through another round of treatment which was unsuccessful.  Then they tried implanting a frozen embryo next.  That didn’t work either.  On our fourth round of treatment they implanted 2 frozen embryos to increase our chances of conceiving.  Lo and behold, one of those embryos took.  37 weeks later, after having complications throughout the pregnancy, our little girl Maya was finally born.

All the testing, all the scans, all the pain, none of that can ever compare to the love and joy you feel the first time you hold you baby.  That moment changed our lives forever.

Life changing moments like that are what make life interesting. Sometimes those moments can be painful, sometimes they can be joyful. Creating and launching my own business was another life changing moment for me. I’ve never been my own boss, I’ve always been an employee. When I do take that final leap and hand in my notice to my day job, that moment will be another one to add to my list of memories. Some life changing moments you have no control over. This moment, changing my job, my career, this one I do have control over. It is up to me and no-one else how and when this life changing moment happens.

Finding the right support when you are having problems is key to moving forward with whatever journey you are on. This could be support for personal or business reasons or issues. Getting relevant support to help with whatever problem you have can sometimes be a challenge.

After losing my first baby in December 2013, I had support from my family and friends, but chose not to seek professional support. I took only 1 week off work after that loss and then threw myself back into my job and thought that I could just ignore the issues. This ended up being the worst thing I could have done. It affected my concentration, my commitment to work and my consistency. As a result, my line manager at the time sat me down and told me that I was close to losing my job. That was the wake up call I needed to make me realise that when you need help or support, it is so important to ask for it.

When I lost Theo, I knew that I would need additional support from health professionals, as well as my family and friends. Family and friends will generally support you through times like this on an unconditional basis, but they do it because they feel they need to. By asking for additional help and support from trained health professionals, I knew that I would be able to cope much better with my problems. My doctor helped me with my sleeping problems. I also had a grief counsellor who helped me to talk through my issues and who supported me through my grieving process. I am now in a better position in my personal life because of the support that I chose to seek.

Another aspect of my personal life where I have found great support is my fitness regime. The key thing here was that I had the support of my sister initially and she connected me with other people who had similar goals to me. The support I have received hasn’t only been from my coaches, but from other ladies in the classes and on the chat groups who are all trying to do the same thing, live a healthier, more active lifestyle. By finding like minded people who want to support each other, I have been able to get the support and encouragement I need to reach my fitness and health goals.

Finding that right person, people or organisation to give you the relevant support that you need is essential when you are talking about business. If the support you need is admin support, then I may be the right person. The advantage to someone like myself, a Virtual Assistant, is that I can review your business model to help you evaluate what type of support you specifically need. If you think that you need some support, but are unsure of exactly what sort of support, then please get in contact with me and we can arrange a discovery call.

Thankyou for reading and have a lovely day.

Christmas 2017 was not a good one for me or the rest of the family. Of course we made all the usual fuss about presents, cards and food for Maya’s sake. She was a very happy (and very spoiled!) little girl on Christmas Day. But for me it was a very bitter-sweet day. I was glad that I was home from the hospital to be with Maya and Carl and the rest of my family, but it was with a hole in my heart and in my stomach.

Needless to say, my main focus over Christmas involved quite a lot of food! I ate everything I wanted to. I didn’t have to worry anymore about the “you shouldn’t eat xyz when you’re pregnant” list of foods. So I just relaxed my control and ate and drank what I liked. This lasted for a good 2 months, a lot of comfort eating. Then one day in mid February I looked down at my belly and thought “I still look pregnant, but I’m not”. There was nothing left in my belly, but I had this huge reminder of what I didn’t have. I wasn’t in control of my body anymore and that needed to change. I had to take back control, so that I could move on with my life and get back to being me.

So I contacted my sister and said that I needed to get back into shape. I needed to lose that part of me that had let me down and that was now a constant reminder of the loss I had suffered. Now, my sister is what some might call a “fitness nut”. She has been working very hard on her nutrition and fitness for well over 3 years now. The regime and lifestyle that she follows has worked really well for her. I had tried it out after having Maya and did have some success with shaping up. So I decided to give it another go. I started controlling my cravings again and got back on track with my nutrition. I started going to a new fitness class once a week as well. As part of the regime we also use WhatsApp as a platform for a support group. This was a huge boost for me as it meant I had plenty of other people encouraging me and helping me out.

Through a healthy, active lifestyle over the last 5 months I have now lost the excess fat on my stomach that was giving me that horrible feeling and the reminder of what I lost. I feel more like myself again, I have more energy and I feel more confident. In a lot of ways, losing the weight and taking back control of my body has been part of my recovery process. Mentally I am now in a much better place to, partly due to the fact that I am now in control of my diet again. So by making my body healthy again, my mind has also become much healthier. To get this far with my lifestyle it has taken a lot of perseverance (some would say stubbornness!), determination and dedication. This healthier mindset is what has driven me to establish my business as well. Any clients that I get over the coming months can be assured that the perseverance, determination and dedication I have put into my healthy lifestyle will also be what I will put into my work. I know I can achieve something huge if I put my mind to it and I know that I can apply those principles to this business as well. This business venture can and will be a big turning point for me.

I want to take this opportunity to say a huge thankyou to all the amazing people who have supported me so far through my journey. My ever suffering husband Carl, you have the patience of a saint, which I am eternally grateful for. My darling sister Narel for encouraging me and supporting me through everything. My brother in law Rich for letting my sister spend so much time with me to help me out, sorry for stealing her! My parents for everything they do for us and Maya. But not forgetting my amazing coaches, Jess Mckenna and Joanne Ellen Barnes. Without you ladies, none of this would have been possible. To all of the other amazing ladies I have had the pleasure of meeting and making friends with over the last few months; Rachel Mountford, Amy Langmead, Victoria Gill, Natalie Hart, Monika Lynn Moodey, Sammy Ormes, Janey Patricia Burns, Mary Park, Gina Johnson. Some of you may not even realise how much impact you have had on me, but it’s having a community of people like you ladies that has helped me to get this far. So a big, big thankyou to every single one of you.