This time last year it felt like my whole world had fallen apart. Losing Theo was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The physical pain of going through labour, to give birth to a son that I knew I couldn’t take home, that was bad enough. The pain of the loss afterwards, that empty feeling inside me and the not knowing what I was going to do, that pain was unimaginable. Through all that pain and suffering though, I have found my strength. I feel like a much, much stronger person today because of what I have been through.
I have experienced other losses before, my missed miscarriage in 2013 after our first round of IVF treatment, that was painful. Losing my aunt in August 2017, that was very painful as well. There have been other lesser known about events in my life as well which have caused me a lot of pain and torment. All of these things have made me realise how much a person is able to cope with though and how through adversity, we can find out strength.
The last year has not been plain sailing in any way, there have been bumps along the way. We have had our ups and downs. Ultimately though, where I am right now, this is a good place to be. I have an incredibly intelligent 3 year old, who is ready to take on the whole world! I have an amazingly supportive husband, who puts up with my moods flitting back and forth. My role in my day job is much better suited to me now and to my circumstances and skills. I have a growing virtual assistant business with 2 new clients this year, so far. My side business of the make-up provides me with a little extra cash and a lot of extra confidence. I have made some amazing new friends through my make-up business and also through my new found love of health and fitness. My body is in much better shape now and I have a metabolic age of 19! How many 34 year olds can say that?
All in all, the year has been challenging in more ways than one, but those challenges have made me the woman I am today. I am healthy, I am happy, I am making a good go of running my own 2 businesses and I have a great network of supportive family and friends around me.
My loss has made me stronger and for that I want to say thank you. Thank you to my beautiful baby boy for helping me to see how much potential I have. Thank you for being mummys inspiration to try something new. Thank you for helping me to see the beauty in this world and to carry on without you. I will always carry you with me in my heart and you will always be my very much loved son. Thank you Theo for everything.